©
15-year-old me:MOM I'm practically an ADULT ugggh you never let me do ANYTHING in olden times i could get MARRIED *eye roll into another dimension*
me now:for my birthday i want food and to stay on your health insurance

wentzslut:

LETS GET HIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!grades

(via dontfuckwithbacon)

Best of Autocorrect

damonssalvatoree:

lordofthedawn:

rocknrollercoaster:

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I got to “Dad” and had to scroll down and reblog for a break because I laughed so hard I nearly threw up twice.

"Killing her seems a bit harsh"

(via deducemedoctor)

butt-berry:

Me in the club

(via nice-wig-janis)

goodfuckingcoffee:

packs 2 hours before leaving for a trip

unpacks 3 months after coming home

(via dayeti)

darthxinvader:

Realistic 

1)  The day my sister got back from the hospital after a suicide attempt. I didnt let go for about an hour.

2) Kid just found out his brother was shot and killed.

3) A Russian war veteran kneels beside the tank he spent the war in, now a monument.

4) Man sobbing at animal shelter. After being jailed briefly and his dog Buzz Lightyear impounded he couldn’t afford the $400 to get his pet back.

5) A firefighter gives water to a koala during the devastating Black Saturday bushfires that burned across Victoria, Australia, in 2009.

6) Alcoholic father with his son

7) Robert Peraza pauses at his son’s name on the 9/11 Memorial during the tenth anniversary ceremonies at the site of the World Trade Center.

8) Greg Cook hugs his dog Coco after finding her inside his destroyed home in Alabama following the Tornado in March, 2012

9) After two double lung transplants and years of battling cystic fibrosis, my good friend passed away last Saturday. This was one of the last pics taken with his mother.

These are probably some of the most powerful pictures I’ve ever seen and some hit close to home.

(Source: stochasticvariable, via deducemedoctor)

tastefullyoffensive:

"I nominate Mona Lisa and the Girl with the Pearl Earring." [via]

(via allons-yalexa)

nosdrinker:

retrospectroverted:

nosdrinker:

why does one ply toilet paper exist

i honestly prefer single ply, it feels lighter and more effective and the rolls last longer because the sheets are thinner.

ok poophands

(via allons-yalexa)

kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails

(via thekingofwinter)

monobeartheater:

urtube:

Do parents not understand the concept of closing a door after leaving your room 

haven’t you people ever heard of closing the god damn door

(via 2ollux2miindhoney)